Just Breathe

Coming to an end of day 16 and can't believe how quick the time is going. Slow and fast all at the same time. Yesterday was a really hard time for me. For those of you who don't know my missionary is having a very hard time out in the MTC and isn't sure if it's the right thing for him he said he's been praying non stop about what to do and feels like he needs to be home like he has something he needs to do here. Part of me believes that's true I've sort of been thinking maybe missionary work doesn't mean you have to been gone for 2 years when there's so much missionary work to do right here starting with me and my family. I'm not baptized but am on the road to it just having a hard time with my family not approving. My friend is also thinking about it but is having a hard time. Curtis testimony is one of the strongest I've ever heard and part of me feels like he needs to be here helping me and my family and friends to become a part of this church. It breaks my heart that my family may never know the church and I feel like Curtis could change that. At the same time maybe he is supposed to be out there and he's just homesick. I'm not sure and he constantly turns to me for advice. That brings me to my problem yesterday his sister text me saying I need to write him a letter saying he NEEDS to stay there and it'll be the biggest mistake if he comes home. I broke down how was I supposed to be the one to tell him what to do..as an MG I know we all dream of them coming home early but at the same time when it happens you're not as happy as you thought you were going to be. I'd love for him to be home for a million reasons but idk what the lord needs of him. I've been praying and praying but no answer has come I just continue to ask for strength and that Heavenly Father will help him to make the right decision. After crying and breaking down all day yesterday on what to do knowing this decision was on my shoulders killed me. Who am I to tell him to stay or go. His family trusts me and knows that he loves me and that my opinion means more than anyone. Pretty much if I tell him to stay he'll stay if I tell him to come home he'll come home but what if I were to make the wrong decision I couldn't live with that regret. All I could ever ask for is that he's happy and that me and him will be together for eternity close to the Lord. I finally just took a deep breath and let it all go. I took a giant leap and put all my faith into the Lord. I prayed and said "Dear Heavenly Father, please help Curtis to be strong help him to make the right decision, the decision that will brighten both of our futures and bring us closer to you, I'm putting all my faith in you and trusting that you'll help us to do what's right". I woke up this morning and just wrote a letter letting Curtis know I'd support him in whatever he chose to do as long as it was the Lord's will and he truly 100% believed it was the right thing. That's sort of been a recap of the last 2 days. Todays been a hard day in the sense that I have no idea what he's going to choose knowing it's probably one of the hardest decisions he's making out there. There's not much all I can do but be patient..which I've learned is a HUGE part of being an MG. I'll continue to put my faith in the Lord and know that what happens is going to help us both and that brings me all the comfort in the world. Either way is going to be a big journey for both of us with the Lord, family and just life in general. It's been hard not having him for these big events leading up in my life finding out my aunt has a brain tumor me being in and out of the hospital myself and getting ready for school starting my career so many things. My new motto is just to breathe when everything gets stressful just stop what you're doing right then and there close your eyes and breathe..breathe knowing I'm breathing the same air he is knowing that it's the air heavenly father has provided me in just letting all my stress out of my body and into the air. I've come to realize this is so much bigger than me or him or us and probably one of the hardest most rewarding things either one of us could do. Whether he comes home ealry or not I've learned so much already and have this stronger bond with the lord, a stronger one than I've ever had and thank Curtis for that everyday..just the fact that he had the strength to go on a mission when it wasn't exactly his first choice..uhh that just makes me so proud of him that he'd sacrafice for me and his family that we'd have blessings while he was gone. I love him and I know I will continue to for all of eternity. I'll keep you guys posted on what happens I know that no matter what happens I'll continue to grow close to the Lord and so will he and in doing that we'll both grow closer to eachother. I think of as a pyramid me and Curtis being at opposite ends at the bottom heavenly father on top as me and Curtis move up our sides of the pyramid we grow closer to the Lord but also closer to eachother til we reach the top and are right next to eachother all of us.