Just Breathe

Coming to an end of day 16 and can't believe how quick the time is going. Slow and fast all at the same time. Yesterday was a really hard time for me. For those of you who don't know my missionary is having a very hard time out in the MTC and isn't sure if it's the right thing for him he said he's been praying non stop about what to do and feels like he needs to be home like he has something he needs to do here. Part of me believes that's true I've sort of been thinking maybe missionary work doesn't mean you have to been gone for 2 years when there's so much missionary work to do right here starting with me and my family. I'm not baptized but am on the road to it just having a hard time with my family not approving. My friend is also thinking about it but is having a hard time. Curtis testimony is one of the strongest I've ever heard and part of me feels like he needs to be here helping me and my family and friends to become a part of this church. It breaks my heart that my family may never know the church and I feel like Curtis could change that. At the same time maybe he is supposed to be out there and he's just homesick. I'm not sure and he constantly turns to me for advice. That brings me to my problem yesterday his sister text me saying I need to write him a letter saying he NEEDS to stay there and it'll be the biggest mistake if he comes home. I broke down how was I supposed to be the one to tell him what to do..as an MG I know we all dream of them coming home early but at the same time when it happens you're not as happy as you thought you were going to be. I'd love for him to be home for a million reasons but idk what the lord needs of him. I've been praying and praying but no answer has come I just continue to ask for strength and that Heavenly Father will help him to make the right decision. After crying and breaking down all day yesterday on what to do knowing this decision was on my shoulders killed me. Who am I to tell him to stay or go. His family trusts me and knows that he loves me and that my opinion means more than anyone. Pretty much if I tell him to stay he'll stay if I tell him to come home he'll come home but what if I were to make the wrong decision I couldn't live with that regret. All I could ever ask for is that he's happy and that me and him will be together for eternity close to the Lord. I finally just took a deep breath and let it all go. I took a giant leap and put all my faith into the Lord. I prayed and said "Dear Heavenly Father, please help Curtis to be strong help him to make the right decision, the decision that will brighten both of our futures and bring us closer to you, I'm putting all my faith in you and trusting that you'll help us to do what's right". I woke up this morning and just wrote a letter letting Curtis know I'd support him in whatever he chose to do as long as it was the Lord's will and he truly 100% believed it was the right thing. That's sort of been a recap of the last 2 days. Todays been a hard day in the sense that I have no idea what he's going to choose knowing it's probably one of the hardest decisions he's making out there. There's not much all I can do but be patient..which I've learned is a HUGE part of being an MG. I'll continue to put my faith in the Lord and know that what happens is going to help us both and that brings me all the comfort in the world. Either way is going to be a big journey for both of us with the Lord, family and just life in general. It's been hard not having him for these big events leading up in my life finding out my aunt has a brain tumor me being in and out of the hospital myself and getting ready for school starting my career so many things. My new motto is just to breathe when everything gets stressful just stop what you're doing right then and there close your eyes and breathe..breathe knowing I'm breathing the same air he is knowing that it's the air heavenly father has provided me in just letting all my stress out of my body and into the air. I've come to realize this is so much bigger than me or him or us and probably one of the hardest most rewarding things either one of us could do. Whether he comes home ealry or not I've learned so much already and have this stronger bond with the lord, a stronger one than I've ever had and thank Curtis for that everyday..just the fact that he had the strength to go on a mission when it wasn't exactly his first choice..uhh that just makes me so proud of him that he'd sacrafice for me and his family that we'd have blessings while he was gone. I love him and I know I will continue to for all of eternity. I'll keep you guys posted on what happens I know that no matter what happens I'll continue to grow close to the Lord and so will he and in doing that we'll both grow closer to eachother. I think of as a pyramid me and Curtis being at opposite ends at the bottom heavenly father on top as me and Curtis move up our sides of the pyramid we grow closer to the Lord but also closer to eachother til we reach the top and are right next to eachother all of us.

First Post Day 14

This is my first post and first blog at that. I figured it'd be a nice way for me and others to remember this long journey I'm going on and of course Elder Sweets journey too. I'll keep everyone updated on how he's doing, any news I get and just my emotional journey so I guess I'll begin now.

The last 14 days have been an emotional rollercoaster! Talk about being bi polar. Saying goodbye at the airport was a lot easier than I thought itd be..the night before when he dropped me off at my house for the first time with his mom in the car..since he couldn't be alone with me, not as easy. I thought I'd never stop crying as all he could do was give me a handshake and not comfort me by holding me as he did so many times before. I got in my room and thought of all the ways I could get him to stay. I knew he had to go and that it was the right thing to do but a girl never wants to lose her bestfriend and boy she loves. The next 14 days would be a lot easier with the support of family, especially his, they are the best I couldn't ask for more. Being at his house was without him there proved to be too hard and stopped going after the first 3 days. I went on with my day to day life trying to stay as busy as I possibly could. I got my first letter last Tuesday and was NOT expecting it and I wasn't even at home so I was daying! I was so happy to get it I forgot how happy I could really be and I remembered he is my reason for being happy and knew right then and there I never wanted to be with anyone else. I knew already but this just reassured all my feelings. I got another the next day and then another that Friday. These 2 not bearing such great news finding out that he wasn't having a good time and wanted to come home. It broke my heart to hear these things knowing that I could do NOTHING to help and even harder for me to support him being out there when all I want is for him to be here with me but I continued to support him and give him my love from afar. I've learned I have a new family the MGs on facebook, I don't know where I'd be without them and love them all as my family and have already made some great friends. These last 2 days have been the hardest, yesterday I cried more than I knew possible as I realized his clothes stopped smelling like him and hitting the realization that he's actually gone and that I've gone 14 days without him and I never thought that possible. I miss him more than ever but my love grows strong. My favorite time has become bedtime when I feel closest to him. I put on his clothes, spray his cologne get comfy under the blanket he gave me (his favorite blanket his grandma made him when he was little), write in my journal, read the Book of Mormon, pray then cuddle up with the bear he got me pretending its him. I've dreamt about him everynight and I love that I can feel like I'm with him if only for a while. That's pretty much a summary of these last 14 days..2 weeks actually I can't believe it. Its true days feel like weeks and weeks feel like days. Although these 14 days have flown by they also seem like they've been a lot longer than 2 weeks and I'm looking the next 2 years dead on and it's intimidating and scary. The unknown is what scares me the most but Curtis leaving has brought me closer to the Lord than I could have ever imagined and my love has only grown I know I can make it..I WILL make it!